Thursday, 7 June 2012

Forgive Me

Hasil Ketak Ketik Magic Spell Witch Vera at Thursday, June 07, 2012
Spells Started at 4:56AM, on 7th June 2012.

Hallo Dear Worldians, Good Morning and How Ya Doing ? :)

Recently, I was so much in miserable situations where I lose track of many things. Things getting harder as I know that I am getting lower and lower. I disappointed some of my lecturers, and even friends. I'm hurt, but it also hurts when we knew that we've hurt someone else. I always want to do the best in everything I do, but I just do not know what's going on with my mind now. I could say that I'm losing my interests to the current thing I'm doing, mainly in this university.

I met my lecturers and explained everything. Whatever is in my heart and my thoughts, I told them. I burst out into tears but I just don't care, they should know what made me this way. I couldn't say more but one of my lecturers, she seemed could not believe what I have told. I remember she said, 'doing this won't give you any better, Vera. You're pushing yourself". I know, I am choosing something that's clearly won't give me any goods (maybe), but  somehow I know that's the only worth thing for someone like me. I know I could do better, I always know but I couldn't pay my responsibility to this thing.

I ended up asking them to go on with the results. There was Second Chance given by them to let me do everything, and they'll wait but I couldn't. They have given me so many second chances before, somehow I think this would be unfair to the rest of my schoolmates. Let me accept this 'punishment' once and for all. I felt more relief with this, although I won't be as excellence as the others, but I've learnt at least something meaningful that I could share with the others in the future. :)

I do not know what is waiting for me in the future. My result so far is maintained in CGPA 3.0 somethings, there's not much ups and downs with it but I knew, I may have been left much behind by other classmates who are doing better in every semester. It's okay, I still remember what have been taught since first semester, and I know exactly what are they for, but for now I could only keep it, wishing that someday I would be touched to apply it. :) I told my mother, I might be graduated with not very excellence results, But I will do my best to be graduated with everything that I've learnt in USM. Whatever the last results will be, I will make use everything I learnt here to the best I can. I know, chances and opportunities are outside there, everything is beautiful in its time..

For the rest of my classmates, I wish that they could forgive me for did not able to maintain the bonding we once had, for did not able to cherish your beautiful moments 'though we are living and studying under the same roof. I always love to walk alone at the back side of our school, where we once planted together the trees, because that the only places where I can felt the relationship we once shared. Some of the trees, they have reached my height, even taller than me.. :) How time flies....

To my lecturers, I never intended to make you disappoint. Thanks for seeing my potential, it must be hard that I am the one who did not fully use it. Whatever conflicts we had, I could never forget you. What you have taught in class, although most of them I acted like I am ignoring it, I always looking at it and tried my best to understand it for all these are the lessons that I should cherish once I leave this school. :)

No matter how bitter moments I've felt in here, I could only say and screams silently deep in my heart, that I always love you SoLLaT. I will always do...

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